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There are thousands of people who have never use airlines. Eventually, the opportunity to travel will present itself and these first-time aviators will enthusiastically pack their suitcases and embark on their maiden flight. But will you be guilty of making this mistake on your first flight? As a flight attendant, I see these flight rules being violated by beginners and even frequent flyers.
Firstly, I realized that most of the people have misconceptions about the role of the Stewardess. I once gave a talk to a group of 10 year olds for career day. I posed the following question to the group. “What is the reason the Stewardess is on the plane?” A young man immediately raised his hand and said, “Waiter?” OKAY. It’s time to put a stop to that perception in the first place. The main job responsibility of a Flight Attendant is to save your life in the unlikely event of an emergency.
The likelihood of an incident occurring is during takeoff and landing. This is one of those rare jobs that you keep practicing and pray that you don’t have to use your practice. Everything else we do on board is just to make your flight as comfortable and enjoyable as possible.
If you’re looking to reveal your status as a first-time aviator, or a VIP flyer, here are 20 airplane travel rules to keep in mind when you fly.
Block Aisle During Ascending
This is a surefire tactic to bring joy to your fellow passengers who are patiently waiting behind you. They love watching your award-winning technique as you fold your clothes and gently place them in the overhead bin. Also, blocking aisles gives viewers a chance to admire your gluteus Maximus.
Take the Entire Overhead Bin
Imagine the excitement your airplane buddies will have when they see you’ve picked up all the overhead bins. After all, you’re a V.I.P. (Passengers Very Uncaring). They won’t mind checking their little roller board because of your elite status. Another shameless tactic is to use a first-class trash can if you book in a coach cabin. Remember, you are a VIP. Feel free to place your belongings in the first class cabin even if you are sitting in 31A.
Be High Maintenance As Soon As You Ride
Flight attendants really like this kind of behavior. You will get special attention because the news will spread quickly using the interphone system. We are happy to provide services during boarding just for you. After all, it’s your job to make sure that you get everything for free because your cheap airfare entitles you to it.
Blame Flight Attendants For Lateness
Ah! The joy of traveling. You have not traveled until your flight has been delayed. Great fun for everyone involved – especially your Flight Attendant. Imagine the joy they experience because they can keep working without pay. Did you know that flight attendants are only paid when the doors are closed and the brakes are released? After all, working ‘overtime’ without pay is a privilege and blaming the weather, air traffic, etc., is another highlight of their workday.
Make Physical Contact With Flight Attendants
After all, touch is everything, right? There aren’t many places that come to mind where this is acceptable behavior. But on a ship, anything can happen. We Flight attendants love it when you poke us, tug at our uniforms or pinch us to get our attention. This is the novice traveler’s calling card to get our attention. This is a beginner concept, how about using our name? That’s what the little metal rods we wear are for.
Comment That Your Bag Fits On The Last Plane
This is the perfect time to act flustered when you can’t put your stuff in the overhead bin. You should make comments like, ‘well it fit on the last flight’. This is why maybe not. Your airline may fly several types of aircraft. Therefore, your bulky rollerboard that fit in the 747 on your last flight won’t fit on the Dash-8 this time around. If this happens, throw in the hissy fit and make a fuss when you have to check your bag.
Hanging Out in the Galley
Oh, this is Stewardess favourite. If you’re brave enough to hang out in their confined workspace, go for it. Don’t worry that there isn’t nearly enough space for Flight Attendants to work. After all, the more the merrier. And when you get back to it, why not do some stretching exercises while they’re sitting in their jumpseats? They will become your BFFs when you stretch out and put parts of your body against their faces.
Sneaking into First Class During the Boarding Process
It takes guts but I’m sure you can do it. However, don’t be surprised when you’re caught off guard and have to walk with your tail between your legs to the economy or business class section. The flight attendant receives the passenger manifest with a seat map when the boarding process is complete. They know who is where. See if you have what it takes to give yourself a free first-class upgrade.
Upset If Your TV Monitor Doesn’t Work
There are limited options that a Flight Attendant can make if most of the TVs don’t work while on the air. This action is limited to resetting the system, aka, control-alt-delete trick you used on the computer or shutting it down. If that doesn’t work, get upset that you can’t watch TV and ask if you can get a refund for your plane ticket. It’s quite difficult to smuggle a set of tools through security checkpoints. But if we could, we’d be happy.
Ring the Call Button Continuously
Who can resist the temptation of that little button? Just think about the power lying dormant in that little button. If you push them, they will come. Imagine, someone will show up to pick you up whatever your heart desires. Pushing buttons is acceptable when you use them for legitimate reasons. But for those of you who sit in the aisle seat and ring the call button when the seatbelt signal is off, you’ve got a Mile High award today.
Take It Personally If We Miss You
Don’t use this as an excuse to round up fellow passengers and attack the Stewardess if she passes you or your line. In this case, it’s okay to ring your call button. Flight attendants are human just like anyone else and at times, they may miss you, so don’t assume they are out to pick you up. However, if you have been designated as a VIP, it may only be payment for previous actions.
See Stewardess As Stewardess
This is a great way to date yourself and let everyone around you know that your last flight was in 1972. This is a politically incorrect phrase. Male flight attendants do not like this term because it is used to refer to women. Employees who work on aircraft are usually referred to as cabin crew, cabin staff or flight attendants.
Remove Books, Magazines, Or Food From Flight Attendants’ Bags
Do you have sticky fingers? Not everything on board is public property, and that includes your Flight Attendant’s personal belongings such as newspapers, magazines, books and food. It’s not that we don’t like sharing. Once you’ve read it, we’ll be happy to recycle it and give it to you.
Tell me what?’ When Wearing Your Earphones
We know you love watching TV and enjoying using your personal electronic device. When we ask you what you want, please don’t say ‘what’ or ‘yes’ while continuing to wear your earphones. It only took 4.3 seconds to interact with us. After all, we do not bite – hard!
Not talking. When your seatmate asks for something, and you want something too, let us know
Don’t wait until we come back and say, “Oh, I’d like some ginger ale too.” This is one of those rare occasions where you will get the perfect Stewardess look in the eye. Feel free to remind us if we seem to have forgotten your request. We usually get 5-7 requests every time we pass the cabin and sometimes, your request may go unnoticed by us.
Leave Your Garbage To Us During Service
If we are serving you drinks, food or snacks, now is not a good time to hand over your trash to us. Also, think twice about handing your trash over to us and say you have a gift for us. I’m 100% sure it’s not the gift I wanted.
Give Us Your Child’s Diaper
Is it right? I bet your baby is the cutest, but human shit isn’t. Please dispose of either in the toilet or take it with you to dispose of it properly. And also no parting gift in the back pocket of the chair. Yuck!
Try Getting Free Tickets By Complaining
Oh yeah, stuff from urban legends. Some complaints are valid, just like any company. Airlines can notify professional complainers of valid complaints. Just because you complain, you don’t deserve a free plane ticket. A persistent complainer may end up on that airline’s No-Fly List which may bar you from flying that airline forever.
Ask Us If You Will Make Your Connecting Flight
Come see. I had to first summon my Magic 8 Ball to get the answer. Let’s recap your question. You didn’t tell me your name, you didn’t tell me your connecting flight number or your departure time and you didn’t indicate your destination. What Does Magic 8 Ball Say? “Can’t Predict Now”.
Forget Enjoying the Trip
Obviously, this is a lighthearted display of today’s mass aircraft transport. Taking the time to laugh at yourself sometimes and not taking it too seriously can actually defuse a less desirable situation and make it easier to handle.
